December: Sagittarius
Original Sagittarius watercolor by Read Gallo.
The 12th issue of Dharma Direction is all about Sagittarius, The Archer. Depicted as the mythological Centaur, this creature is brave, loyal, and driven by emotions… maybe because they’re equipped with two hearts.
Are you ready to Go With The Flow?
Sagittarius: The Archer
November 23 - December 21
Golden opportunity.
Symbolism abounds during this time of year. We see it everywhere, yet how often do we stop and reflect on the meaning that each of these images is meant to convey? Apart from the obvious and often ostentatious displays that grace shopping malls and neighborhood homes, looking more closely at the elements of the Christmas season may reveal some things you hadn’t thought to consider.
Let’s start with THE TREE. Evergreen varieties represent eternal life for the way they stay green throughout cold winter months. THE WREATHS we hang on our doors are an extension of this symbol with the addition of love’s never-ending aspect within its circular design.
Next, THE STAR atop the tree is a direct reflection of the star that appeared in the sky when the baby Jesus was born. More than a symbol of the savior, I believe the star is a reminder to raise your heart and mind to a higher thought realm where benevolence and divinity reside.
POINTSETTIA plants with their deep red and green foliage were originally cultivated by the Aztecs for use in traditional medicine. After being brought to the U.S. in the 1820s, the seasonal shrub came to stand for purity, success, and good cheer.
CANDY CANES utilize peppermint which, much like its cousin hyssop that was used during Bibilical times, is an effective antiseptic, cough reliever, and expectorant. Medicine disguised as candy.
Strings and strings of LIGHTS are reminders for us to embrace the light of a divine path, no matter how dark and cold the way may seem.
And finally, the ANGELS— seen everywhere from greeting cards to lawn ornaments— speak directly to our creator’s message for us that we are always surrounded by the energy of these ethereal beings, sent to watch over us, guide us, and remind us of the power of Love, Hope, and Charity.
Advachiel: Angel of Truth, Wisdom, and Power
Assigned to guide the fire sign of Sagittarius, this angel is also known by the names Adnachiel, Adernahael, and Aduachiel. The energy of this particular being is focused on the vibration of truth… without which it would be impossible to achieve pure wisdom and benevolent power. The triad of his gifts will fill believers with a hunger for knowledge, inspiring them to share their discoveries with the world.
During The Archer’s season, Advachiel is busy loosing his own arrows of exaltation through the ether and into our hearts. When an unexpected moment of the holiday spirit brings back cherished memories, the angel has hit his target. I encourage you to pause when this happens and think about why Advachiel has triggered the emotion of that moment.
And if, in that moment, tears appear in your eyes— you can be assured of the importance of the angel’s message. Whether the emotion is joy or sadness… embrace it. And ask Angel Advachiel to help you appreciate the reason for the reminder even if it’s something you’d rather forget.
For Traditions’ Sake
Some people, especially my Sagittarius sister, never tire of the hubbub that surrounds the holidays. The fact that she’s almost 10 years younger than I am may have something to do with her zest for the season. Or, it could just be a side-effect of having a December birthday and getting to celebrate the two best gift-giving holidays of the year in one month.
Patti (short for Patricia), aka Trish (as her hubby calls her), goes along every year with the entire family (except me) to the small-town events of Prescott, AZ such as the lighting of the courthouse and the annual Christmas parade. They all bundle up in their coats and scarves, take truckloads of tarps, chairs, and coolers, and fuel up on hot cocoa or coffee before the sun comes up just to get a prime spot along the parade route. With Prescott’s average low-temperature of 23 degrees in December, I’m content to live vicariously through my family’s Facebook pictures while staying warm and cozy in Phoenix where we might dip into the mid-40s.
True to her generous Sagittarian heart, Patti loves shopping for presents. Wrapping them, however, is something she turns over to her hubby to do. You’ve never seen a man wrap a present so perfectly as my brother-in-law with hidden seams and matching patterns all the way around. Patti loves putting together a gift basket (no wrapping required). The bigger the better, she fills them with enough candy and cookies and assorted goodies to put you right into a sugar coma… every day… for a month.
My sister is also going to have the cutest outfit on, whatever the occasion. From fuzzy slippers to retro hair bands and bows, Patti dresses to impress the party people all the way down to her brightly painted toenails and her let-me-speak-to-your-manager spiky hairdo.
The gap in our ages means we didn’t get to experience the kind of sibling holidays that her kids and grandkids get to enjoy. And maybe that’s why she’s so devoted to going all out and relishing every hectic moment now. She and I are different in that way. I long for the quiet serenity of reading a book by the fire while Patti is planning how to fit 20 people in her kitchen for Christmas dinner.
I admire my little sister. In a few months, she’ll become a bonafide LPN— Licensed Practical Nurse. The odds were stacked against her when she began her journey to study medicine (neither of us are fond of math), but with the support of her family and the determination of her own desire to care for others, her dream… her Dharma… is right around the corner.
Legend tells us that the mythological Centaur that represents Sagittarius has two hearts. Given her level of love and kindness, I’m pretty sure Patti’s patients would agree that her heart beats to its own amazing drum!
Debbie Abbott is a former managing editor for an upscale food and lifestyle print magazine from Scottsdale, Arizona. She now spends as much time as possible working on her debut novel and sharing accounts of her life through her website and as publisher and editor of Dharma Direction.
Connect with Debbie on Facebook, through Debbie's Twitter page or visit Debbie on Instagram.
Audio Visual Art: Angel Advachiel
Digital artist Peter Mohrbacher treats viewers this month to a time-lapse look into his creative process of digital painting. Find Peter’s work at Angelarium.net. Watch time: 4 minutes
Party on.
Humor: “The Holidaze Party Personas”
~ Sagittarius Style ~
Personal Essay by Colleen Markley
Read time: 12 minutes
Ah, Sagittarius.
Hello. Here we are.
For the last eleven months, I’ve explored each zodiac and the humans I love who were born under those signs. This month is a little different.
I like unexpected endings, so I’m embracing this chance to wrap up 2022 with a twist. This month is not about one Sagittarius, but a mash up of many Sagittarians I have known over the years. There’s also a dash from moments in life where other zodiac signs embodied the spirit of the Archer.
We might be born within one sign, but we are complicated, inconsistent humans.
Most of the time, I am a moody moony Cancer Crab. But I also recognize that when I’m spending time with people I love and adore and am admiring their best traits, I aim to adopt their positive qualities. Sometimes I succumb to the less admirable traits too, and that can make me an unpredictable mess. That is my full, authentic, soulful self.
We are light, and dark, and choose how— and when— we move between.
Life of the Party
Sagittarians are a juxtaposition, like all of us, with light and dark qualities. Like the mythological Centaur, they are exceptional in their polarities because they are dark within their light. The Sagittarius superpower is their ability to be the life of the party, someone you always want to invite and spend time with because they are outgoing and funny and wear their heart on their sleeve.
But this zodiac’s Achilles heel is that they are the least likely to do any planning for any details of any party. Ever. Eternally optimistic about how easy things should be, Sagittarius are likely to be annoyed by such trivialities like what it takes to put together an event for people to eat, drink and be merry.
Archers tend to deny the to-do list. The Sagittarian birthday season is full of holidays and the accompanying events that pepper the calendar, and while they will be tremendous fun… they often turn a blind eye on being truly helpful. My crabby self thinks, “Isn’t that nice for you, to be able to enjoy life so much, while the rest of us are over here working so hard on your behalf.”
I’m self-aware enough to remember that Cancers are excellent at being emotional about everything.
I pride myself on my hosting skills and love the fun and festive— and in typical Cancer homebody style— I love creating comfort so everyone is taken care of. While I’m making sure we have working lightbulbs in every socket and fancy hand towels— both cloth and paper— Sagittarians are most likely saddled up to the bar and toasting others’ good health. They won’t notice whether or not I made the winter sangria with fresh pomegranate arils and shaved nutmeg.
Fresh grated nutmeg on top of a cocktail might be one of the greatest sensory gifts on earth. There’s a reason old world Europeans went searching for spices.
The spice of life is worth the effort of sailing thousands of miles on open ocean and risking dysentery.
Is it really too much effort to ask someone to help a little around the house before the guests arrive? Maybe a little reframing might help…
If you ask a Sagittarius for help, they will always provide it. It just might not look like what you think is important. This is when the laid-back nature of their zodiac sign shines through. They have a different set of priorities. Fun priorities. Important priorities. Party Priorities.
For our purposes here, and at the risk of being gender normative, I have outlined the “Sagittarius Party Priority Personas” as male. I know there are at least three females on planet earth where all of this might also apply. But since there are 3.97 billion men, mathematically I can assume 1/12th of them are Sagittarians. Plus, there’s all the other zodiacs who are taken over by these vibes when holiday season rolls around. So, I kept it all about the men. Which, when you consider I’m finishing my novel about the end of the world where only the women survive, you’ll understand, this probably makes sense.
I present to you: The Party Priority Personas.
The Outdoors Man
Mostly, the Outdoors Man likes to show off the outside of his house. The inside of his abode could be falling apart, paint peeling, ghostly specters floating through the hallways, carpets literally on fire… but if there is a beautifully manicured lawn, not a single stray leaf leaving an imprint upon his grass, and proper levels of mulch for the flower beds, then all is right in the world.
The day of the party he is going to be in his disgusting “I can’t believe you are wearing that even to do yard work” clothes, usually some sort of quilted or un-quilted button-down flannel, or perhaps a t-shirt with decades worth of holes. He will be moving stuff around outside, leaf blowing until he runs out of gas, sweating and getting dirt all over himself. He’ll dash into the shower after the first guest arrives.
Do not expect him to focus on the inside of your house or the food on the day of the event. He will wonder what he is eating alongside your other guests, as menu is furthest from his mind. Unless you ask him to cook meat outside, in which case you will have that part taken care of, on either a giant propane grill, pellet grill, or a Big Green Egg. Grills need someone to stare at them for long periods of time, especially at Big Green Egg temperature gauges. Beer must be drunk in close proximity in order for them to function properly.
He won’t notice if you lock the door while he’s outside.
The Techie / DJ Man
You might think that having enough chairs and tables is important. But what the Techie / DJ realizes is that people don’t want to just sit. They want to dance. Or groove, or sing along to really fabulous songs. And those fabulous songs will transport them to a life of revelry, of nostalgia, of days gone by.
And that will make for the Most. Awesome. Party. Ever.
Some techies are content to put on a Pandora Station (or Spotify or some other cool-kid music provider) and be done. Elite Techie / DJs will put on the same station and then listen to it for eight hours beforehand to make sure it’s exactly musically “right”…
Thumbing up and thumbing down like an emperor.
Supremely anal-retentive Techie / DJs will create a playlist that begins with smooth dulcet tones, then graduates to more robust horns and vocals, and ends with the Beastie Boys exactly at midnight. Nothing good ever happens after midnight.
Techie / DJs need to make sure that the subwoofer is working perfectly for the most reverberating sound allowed in the universe. In the olden days they have been known to rewire the speakers with better speaker wire. Yes, the speakers were working fine… but they could be better.
The Neat Freak Man
The thing that can be confusing about the Neat Freak is that he is not a Neat Freak on the other non-party days of the year. It’s only on a party day that he suddenly decides he needs to organize his office. Even if the party is not going to be in his office, and you could easily close the door to his office, he decides that in case someone accidentally thinks it is the bathroom, opens the door, realizes they are in the wrong place as they see it is an office and closes the door, those papers better be filed.
And the taxes finally put into folders by year.
And the old magazines recycled. Maybe just this one article read during the process.
While we women triage and take everything else that is in the wrong place in the entire house, dump it in a laundry basket, or six, and then cram them into closets…
The Neat Freak is separating plastic from metal paperclips.
Because that is the foundation of a good party.
The Community Service Man
This one is sometimes confused with the Neat Freak Man. The difference is that this man wants to go through his closet to give away his pants, sweaters, shoes, and other items that he no longer wants or needs, donating them to the wanting and needy of the world.
This is a wonderful idea. For any other freaking day of the year.
When guests are due to arrive, they will not need or want outdated sweaters.
Focus on whipping the potatoes instead of flagellating The Community Service Man with the ten-year old tie they are contemplating and asking whether or not it goes well with the blazer that’s missing a button.
The Accountant Man
Close cousin to the Neat Freak Man is The Accountant Man. This person sees a party on the horizon, ignores the fact that there is a rotten jack-o-lantern on the front porch that even the squirrels have abandoned, and follows his impulse to…
locate the loose change jar
empty it out
and decide if any quarters are worth keeping because he once went to that state park and remembers it fondly
then wrap the remaining loose change, and head to the bank.
The Beer Man
This guy is going to think about only… one… thing.
Beer.
He is going to wash out the coolers that will store the beer. For a very long time. Because he knows that the other Beer Man guests are going to be hanging out by that cooler all day, staring at it, thinking about their next beer, and he wants that cooler to shine.
He will also make sure there is a glacial amount of ice in that cooler. He probably has a friend or a place where he can “get ice” that does not include him paying for ice. That place might be three minutes away, but he will leave the house for 90 minutes.
This is the one thing at the party that his men friends are going to look at, so he will spend all day perfecting these coolers.
They must be Beer Man worthy.
The “I Need To…” Man
He knows there is a party list. But before he can tackle anything else on that list, he needs to get some things done that have been bugging him.
Like driving to Home Depot to return light bulbs.
Return. Light Bulbs.
Not buy them. Not replace the dead ones in the house.
Return the ones he bought and didn’t need.
For that would truly be a crisis, if he were still in possession of those light bulbs when guests arrived. Because that is what they would notice first. Not whether there was room in the coat closet, or open wine, or something to munch on before dinner.
Excess Light Bulb Chaos.
Good for the Gander
In their heads, the Party Priority Personas are helping mightily because they thought of something they find to be enormously important. We all have our own ideas about what feels good for ourselves and one another. Sometimes those things are the same and sometimes they are so wildly different we appear to be different species.
Laughing at it instead of getting angry
or annoyed
or driven to the brink of insanity
gives us a chance to live in the light.
This year, I needed to think about my priorities not only for parties, but for life. When I had the choice to tend to every detail for our last family gathering or spend that time and headspace thinking about my book revisions, I reorganized my priorities.
There was no fresh nutmeg for my winter sangria. If anyone missed it, they didn’t mention it. I noticed it. I missed it. But I enjoyed my time with the people I love and admire, both in real life and in my fictional world.
Sometimes I need to remember when I let something go, it makes room for all the other things I’m hoping will come my way.
Like time to write.
And time to toast those who show up to share a glass with me.
Letting go of imagined perfection and the judgement that we find for ourselves in our own heads? That’s the light we all need within, and to shine out to others.
Happy Holidaze. Party On.
Onwards!
Colleen Markley is a novelist and freelance writer living in New Jersey. Her award-winning essay “Unflappably Calm, Occasionally Furious, Ready and Willing to Hide the Bodies” was recently published in Sisters! Bonded by Love and Laughter. Colleen’s essays and humor have appeared in multiple anthologies in print and various magazines online. Named the June 2021 winner of the Erma Bombeck Writers Workshop Humor Writer of the Month, Colleen attempts to be funny every month as a regular contributor riffing on the zodiac for Dharma Direction. Her novel-in-progress, Lilith Land, is a story about the end of the world where only the women survive. (It’s a novel, not an action plan).
Find her at www.ColleenMarkley.com or sign up here for her newsletter and updates.
Visit Colleen on Instagram, see what’s up on her Facebook, or shout-out to Colleen on Twitter.
Sweet indulgence.
Photo by Jennifer Bakos Photography on Pinterest.
Culinary Craft: “A Gift from a Well-Lived Life”
Article and Recipe by Chef and Wellness Coach, Candy Lesher
Read time: 3 minutes + Recipe
As a culinary wellness coach, I am inclined to steer readers toward healthful, beneficial food choices. That said, in keeping with Sagittarius' generous, friendly traits, there are moments when offering up a luscious, celebratory delicacy is still one of the most precious of gifts.
That said, I can't think of a more apropos time than the holiday season to generously share one of my most treasured, decadent recipes… an oh-so elegant Caramel Cheesecake.
I was not always a culinary wellness coach. Oh no, like so many, my journey can be chronicled in multiple careers and life segments, beyond my most important life-job of wife and mother. Those include… secretary (great money but hated that), baker, chef, culinary instructor, caterer, writer, editor-in-chief, television host (none of which made much money but loved them all), cancer-survivor, and now culinary wellness coach.
Each progressive life segment was sequentially built upon the next. Throughout, there was a thread of specific culinary elements that kept the continuity despite the decades. This Caramel Cheesecake was one of them, harkening all the way back to the mid-80s when I opened my bakery. And it has been a hit ever since.
Inspired by a deep love for all things caramel, this is the perfect delicacy to present at the end a fabulous holiday meal. It’s also a relatively easy way to give a never-to-be-forgotten homemade gift to someone special. If you're attending a casual, picnic-style gathering, make it in cupcake tins for individual “mini” cheesecakes (cut baking time down to 20 minutes); just don't plan on there being any leftovers because in 40+ years I've yet to have that happen!
Yes, you can definitely grab a jar of Smucker’s off the shelf. But if you really want to kick it up a notch for an annual baking splurge, you won't go wrong with the following:
Insider’s Tip
Advice on baking cheesecakes? Be sure your oven temperature is true. The biggest cause of cracked cheesecakes is too hot an oven or baking too long. For an ethereal cheesecake texture, beat according to the given times. And my last hint— don't stinge on the quality of the caramel.
Recipe: Elegant Caramel Cheesecake
Makes one 10-inch cheesecake
Ingredients: Crust
2 cups crushed Danish Butter cookies
8 Tablespoons unsalted butter, melted
1/2 teaspoon pink salt
Ingredients: Cheesecake
1 pound cream cheese, room temperature
1 can (14 ounces) sweetened condensed milk
2 large eggs, room temperature
2 large egg yolks, room temperature
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1/2 teaspoon almond extract
1/2 teaspoon pink salt
Ingredients: Caramel Topping
1.25 cups sour cream
1.25 cups caramel topping, warmed slightly
pinch of salt
Method:
Combine the crushed butter cookies with the melted butter and salt. Press evenly into the bottom and up the sides to within 1-inch from the top of a springform pan. If desired, use the tip of a spoon to “cut” decorative scallops on the top edge of the crust. Refrigerate while preparing the remainder of the cheesecake.
In a large mixing bowl, beat the cream cheese until light and fluffy, about 4 minutes. Add the sweetened condensed milk and continue beating an additional minute.
Add the eggs and yolks, one at a time, beating 20 seconds after each addition. Add the extracts and salt, beating another 30 seconds. Pour into the prepared crust and bake 40-45 minutes; top should be a light gold color. Remove from oven and cool 10 minutes.
While cheesecake is cooling, prepare the topping. Combine the sour cream, caramel, and pinch of salt. Gently pour topping over the top center of the cheesecake. Place the cheesecake back into the still-warm oven for 10 minutes to “melt” the topping. Remove and allow to sit on a cooling rack for 1 hour, then refrigerate, covered, for a minimum of 3 hours. (It truly develops even more flavor if allowed to refrigerate overnight. You won't be sorry you waited!)
For stress-free removal from the pan, let the cheesecake sit at room temperature 30 minutes, then run a thin, wet knife around the edge of the pan before unhooking the springform side and lifting straight up. If garnishing, do so just before serving, after removing from the pan.
OPTIONAL GARNISHES: For pecan lovers, garnish the top edge with 1.25 cups of pecans that have been roasted 12 minutes at 350 degrees, cooled then coarsely chopped. For English Toffee lovers, unwrap and chop 1.25 cups of English Toffee candies and garnish the top edge of the cheesecake immediately before serving.
As a Culinary Wellness Coach, Candy Lesher doesn't simply sit on the sidelines and coach, she's right in the game with her clients. As a chef she openly admits weight is an occupational health hazard, so she engages in that daily battle also. As a Stage III cancer survivor, she knows the importance of feeding your body the nutrients it needs to fight off illness—and function at its very best.
Connect with Candy on LinkedIn or visit her website at YourKitchenRX.com
Deer advice.
Original Sagittarius watercolor by Read Gallo.
A thousand sacred deer, tame enough to bow and eat rice cakes from tourists, spend most of their time wandering Naka Park and ending up in pictures. Emma Erikson, tame enough to follow her man in exchange for a promise of marriage, did much the same.
“Koyoto,” she answered the woman, taking a selfie with her politely.
“No. Your real home?” The woman snapped another image.
“Maine,” Emma answered. “Roughly six-thousand five-hundred and fifty miles away from here.”
The Japanese woman blinked in awe, then typed that into her phone too and said “thank you” in several different ways before she went on her way.
Emma wondered how many Instagrams had photos of a portly blonde American along with the sacred deer. Maybe with enough time, she’d become part of the tourist draw. Go for the deer. Look for the blonde!
She sighed, feeling melancholy and sad in spite of the lush natural park.
The little doe wandering nearer to her was oblivious.
“No rice cakes.” Emma waved her hands to show they were empty.
The deer cocked her head as if the idea of emptiness confused her.
Emma walked away from the deer and sat down on a park bench. Then because depression made her tired and the heat lamp by the bench made her warm, she tilted her head back and closed her eyes.
Stephen hadn’t done anything wrong. She liked to travel and have adventures. She enjoyed working remotely and seeing more of Asia than anyone from Maine had any right to. Her brothers would certainly never get a chance to see Nara Park and have a deer nosing at their hand.
“No rice cakes.” Emma waved her hand again to say ‘goodbye’ to the deer.
The doe only gazed up at her with huge innocent eyes, looking slightly hurt and betrayed.
That’s how Stephen had looked at her when she said she hadn’t even started on the wedding invitations. He’d spent most of the year getting her to pin down a date and a location, because she couldn’t manage to be interested in planning the wedding.
Sometime around Thanksgiving, he had the very good idea of handing out the invitations with the gifts when they unwrapped everything at Christmas.
But she had never started making them. Just like she hadn’t looked at the wedding magazines. Just like she hadn’t picked a color or a theme.
And Stephen had looked at her, utterly confused by her lack of enthusiasm and asked, “Don’t you want to get married?”
And stupidly, she’d said, “I don’t know.”
Emma sighed. Someday, she’d be the type of woman who deserved Stephen Carrigan. A picture of discipline, she’d know how to pick out flowers and could lose that last fifteen pounds, and look elegant in a wedding dress. She would someday, gain some control over her emotions and her desire to run away. Someday, she wouldn’t spontaneously jump on a train and go to a park 45 minutes from her home because she couldn’t bear the expression of confused terror she’d brought to her fiancee’s orderly face. Someday, she’d get a planner and eat the same healthy foods every day and have dinner at the same time every day and grow fruit and vegetables without killing them, remember people’s birthdays, and never lose her wallet, and she’d be—
“Miserable, don’t you think?”
Emma knew no one was talking to her. She didn’t know anyone in Japan except Stephen and his co-workers and none of them were in Nara Park.
“Don’t you think you would be happier if you were more who you are and less who you’re not?”
Opening her eyes, Emma turned her head to face the deer standing next to the bench.
The doe posed gracefully, then bowed her head, and looked up expectantly.
“Oh,” Emma rubbed her eyes. “I must have dozed—”
“I mean, do the planner if that helps for remembering birthdays.” The deer had a light airy voice and nibbled on Emma’s coat sleeve. “Rice cake?”
Emma tilted her head and stared at the deer. “Shouldn’t you… speak Japanese at least?”
“Shika-senbei?” The deer repeated and then licking her own nose, bobbed her head as if bowing.
Emma reached into her pocket and found a rice cracker to give to the deer. The deer took it and then curled up at Emma’s feet and chomped it down.
Photo from Japan Journeys
Just as she was certain she had imagined everything, the deer said, “Also, this Stephen man loves you as you are? Why would you want to be someone else?” The deer’s white tail flickered and those huge eyes darted left and right.
“I mean, it’s not about being someone else as much as I just want to be better at being myself.”
“And this is done through planners?” The deer looked up at Emma. “And through growing fruit and vegetables without killing them?”
Emma pushed her blonde hair out of her face and considered what she wanted to say to the deer. She didn’t want to give the doe bad advice or have her take away the wrong impression of Americans. “Well, not those things exactly, but being dependable and having the right answers. I want to be the kind of person who doesn’t say to her fiance’ ‘Oh, I don’t know’ like a moron when he asks if you still want to get married.”
The deer snickered silently.
“Which I do. I want to be married to him. I’m just having trouble caring about the party part.”
“Marriage, if done properly, is very final. It is an arrow that once released will fly on its path and cannot be returned to the bow to travel another path.” The deer nosed her hand and Emma stroked the course brown fur. “You are not worried about picking the wrong flowers or looking less than elegant in a dress. You are thinking of the paths you cannot take again.”
Emma hummed and nodded. “That’s… yes. What should I do?”
“Rice cracker?” The deer asked.
Emma sighed and reached into her pocket and gave the doe another treat.
Her little white tail flickered with joy as she chewed. “It is against your nature to stand in one place, to give yourself over to another person. But if you cannot face this fear of belonging to someone, you cannot have the joy of belonging to someone.”
Emma rolled her eyes at the deer. “That’s obtuse advice and makes no sense.”
The deer licked her own nose again and said blankly, “Rice cracker?”
They sat in silence and Emma tilted her head back on the bench again. A moment later, her phone blipped. Emma jerked her head up certain she had dreamed the entire conversation. The deer remained sitting besides the bench blinking at her.
“Hi Stephen. How’s work?”
“Don’t be mad at me,” he said. “But I’m at the deer shrine place, too.”
Emma’s heart beat a little faster. “You are? How did—”
“I saw the charge for the train ticket and decided to take a half-day and follow you. Don’t be mad. I want to give you the space you need to flourish.” That was her phrase and it sounded a little stiff and strange from Stephen’s mouth. “But also, I wanted to spend some time with you.”
She did feel a flash of anger, a stifling push toward the choice she almost regretted making.
Then the deer butted her hand and said. “Love, like all worthy goals, is hard. It requires some giving.”
Emma nodded, cleared her throat and said to her phone, “I’m… glad you’re here, Stephen. I was stupid this morning and I… I really do want to marry you.”
Then she realized this was actually true. “I’m really, really glad you’re here. I love you.”
“Good. I mean, I love you, too and— ouch!” His temper flared and he shouted, “It bit me! One of these damned deer bit my ass!”
She laughed and started walking toward the train and the green railing where she recognized the tall man dressed in a black suit flailing his hands at a mob of the deer. “I see you, Steve. Give them the rice crackers in your hand and stop teasing them.”
“But I got them for you to— ouch, OK!”
The deer that had been sitting by the bench got up and walked along with Emma as she wandered over to her fiancé. Several deer formed a moat around Stephen and seemed more docile once he started handing out the cakes.
“I made a decision about the wedding,” she said.
“I came out here to tell you no pressure. We could be engaged as long as you want, no pressure from me, at all.” Stephen sounded nervous. “What does it mean when they bob their heads up and down like that?”
“They’re saying thank you.” Emma laughed. “And thank you for not pressuring me. I know it’s hard for you to feel out of control.”
“Well, I… some people are worth feeling out of control for.”
“Some people are worth making decisions for.” She kept her heart from melting entirely, but stating very seriously and with a great deal more confidence than she felt, “I want to hire a wedding planner. I want the theme to be springtime, with purple and white and pink everywhere, and a chocolate cake, and meatloaf and chicken parm and whatever else you want. I don’t want to make another single decision about it.”
He saw Emma and started walking towards her. The herd of deer followed him. “Great. Sounds great. You still have to pick a dress. Or just wear a white suit or something. It doesn’t matter to me. You’ll look beautiful. We could do a potluck if you wanted, just as long as you’re happy.”
Stephen smiled and hung up his phone, because she was near enought to hear him. “If you’re happy, I’m happy.”
She hugged him and felt so warm and comforted by his confidence, his strength, the business-like attitude of his suit and tie. He kissed her and the deer bowed and pranced around them looking adorable and confused and hungry and wise all at once.
Smiling at Emma, Stephen squinted and brushed some sleepies out of her eye. “Did you fall asleep outside in the winter?”
L.J. Longo is an award-winning Romance author, a queer geek and feminist writing a medley of dark romance (which can be found through Evernight Publishing), magical realism, weird sci-fi/fantasy, and very implausible creative non-fiction. She recently received Third Place recognition for her submission to the Writer’s Digest Annual Short Story Fiction Contest with her entry titled, "To Harvest Lavender." Coming Soon: LJs queer fiction, “The Stranded Sky Castle” will be featured in the Alpha Male anthologies from Evernight Publishing.
Connect to L.J. on Facebook, L.J.'s Twitter page, or L.J. on Instagram.
Poet-Tree
Moth and Flame.
We are so excited to welcome Dharma Direction’s newest tribe member and poet, Hattie Hayes, to our eZine!
This time of year can be all-consuming with our endless lists of people to see, parties to attend, and shopping to do. For a lot of writers, though, the gift of solitude is all we really want for the holidays.
In her unique style, Hattie shares a poem with us that she wrote about living alone— but not being lonely. And keeping the bugs company :-)
My Favorite Moth
I keep the dust close to me.
My skin is safe this way. A corridor
hollows beneath the floor, oak wood turning
green and young again, age somehow bringing
the past closer and closer.
I rescue an ant from my glass of water.
I write a small sign
for the sake of the spider: if you see him,
let him live, please, thank you, -Management.
When it’s hard to write I miss
being lonely, and try to find
my way to the corridor. When I give up trying
I sit at my desk again, curlers at my shoulders,
a book of stamps
and my pens at the ready.
Everything I have, I give,
the telephone ringing and my sheets
of stationery slipping quickly away.
Next to my bed, a box of photographs
keeps my friends in arm’s reach, their faces
constant and flawless. There is so much room
in me to hold them. I am never alone;
there are bugs beneath the headboard,
marching in straight lines
while I lie eyes-open in a bath of rain sounds.
To fall asleep I think
of a jewel-green moth, my eyes
emblazoned on wings like leather, the soft sounds
of its feathered antennae echoing through my inner ear.
I’ve been having trouble sleeping.
I think I miss being lonely.
There are few things I don’t like. Light wood,
cold mornings. Spending my days
sweeping those oak floors, sending the dust
off to who knows where. Who knows where
I’m headed from here. Who knows when I’ll reach it.
Age hollows me out,
makes wide corridors under my skin,
pushes me closer and closer to a future.
I put the broom aside and find
my way back to the story. I tell it to myself.
Nothing could keep me.
~Hattie Jean Hayes
Hattie Jean Hayes is a writer and comedian, originally from a small town in Missouri, who is now living the dream in NYC. She is Interviews Editor at the word west revue. Her work has appeared in Old Pal Magazine, Janus Literary, The Puritan, and others. Her writing has been nominated for the Pushcart Prize and Best of the Net. Hattie completed a SAFTA residency in September 2022, has a poetry chapbook forthcoming from Bullshit Lit in 2023, and is working on her first novel.
You can read Hattie’s newsletter on her new Substack platform that includes weekly lessons about poetry, musings on life, and ill-advised shopping recommendations. You can also connect with @queenhattiejean on Pinterest, Instagram, and Twitter.
Energy: “At the Trail’s End”
Personal Essay by Anja Dubberke
Read time: 6 minutes
We are entering that time again— the holiday season.
While countless people look forward to that auspicious time of the year with its excitement and traditions… for many others it presents a challenging and painful remembrance. And maybe those people are wishing this part of the year did not exist.
I was in the latter category until recent years.
Christmas used to be amongst the most traumatic memories I had leading into adulthood. When I was a little girl in Germany, I always looked forward to this holiday season and our traditions. I was full of anticipation and wonder. My highlight was picking up the live tree and decorating it on Christmas Eve as this meant the gifts would appear shortly thereafter.
Our meal consisted always of smoked salmon on butter lettuce and toast with onions, cream cheese, and capers. A real treat, my parents would sip bubbly with their meal, while my sister and I were indulging in fresh orange juice.
And then one year it all changed.
My memory is a bit foggy as I don’t remember the exact date when I decided this was the WORST and not ever to be repeated or celebrated ever again— but it all changed with that specific year.
Like clockwork, everything had been set up and made ready on Christmas Eve. My mom, sister, and I were all waiting for my dad to come home from work. He was late… extremely late. When he finally arrived, he was hardly coherent and smelled of alcohol.
My stomach dropped and I had that knowingness that whatever was to happen next would not be good.
The details are fuzzy, and all I remember today is that it got very loud; dishes broke and shattered onto the kitchen floor. It all felt surreal and not in line with a peaceful Christmas Eve.
My mom had no choice that evening but to take me and my sister— leaving our home to drive over to my best friend’s place and seek shelter. Standing in the dark frosty night in front of that door, the shame and embarrassment I felt was unbearable. Other emotions of anger and resentment also crept into the mix.
Not only was Christmas ruined for me and my family, but now we were imposing on someone else’s special evening.
The entire situation was inexplicable, and I felt like a someone pulled the rug out from underneath me. I was totally shattered and lost. And in that moment, I shut down and convinced myself it was best to erase the holiday season… in particular, Christmas Eve, for the future to come.
And while this is a peek into my personal life, I am certain this situation is not unique to me. People carry similar ingrained memories, and though they may show up in many shapes and forms, they do alter how the holiday seasons are perceived and managed.
Have you ever paid close attention to what really happens during the holiday season?
The best of intentions is present when bringing family together to celebrate and yet, there is a “charged” energy in the air, an intensity with the unintended result of bringing the worst out in people.
Like a pressure cooker that must let go of steam— our deep unresolved emotions and painful memories from the past come bubbling up, causing us to relive and suffer. We are very quick to blame the other person, unable to acknowledge the mirror that’s right in front of us.
Nobody wants to ask: What is it showing me?
We are consumed by commotion. Then before we know it, the days have passed and we are looking forward to the new year as it symbolizes a new beginning for us. We make note to do better and make some changes. We start once January 1st shows on the calendar. We feel motivated and set ambitious goals.
But do we really want to change?
Why is it that pretty much immediately into the new year all our intentions fall off the wagon and we pick up our old habits and ways of thinking?
I am speaking for myself now: The reason we are unsuccessful at making a change is because we are approaching change from the outside in rather than from the inside out. We allow superficial thoughts to be the dominators, all the while missing the mark.
Think of the classical goal of losing weight. We are very quick to make a commitment to sign up for the gym, to cut out sugar, eat healthy, etc.
But what we do not do is this: Take inventory and ask the more relevant question, which is— Why do I eat/live the way I do? Chances are, when posing that question, our mind jumps in with so many answers the list becomes endless. So, think about it this way…
Taste is food to the body like emotions are sustenance to the mind.
I am certain it sounds familiar when I say, Well I am just too busy to cook, or I don’t have time to make it to the gym, or worst of all, My days are so stressful I need a drink to wind down. All of these are external circumstances that seem to be dictating what we put into our body to feel comforted.
But what about if we could sit still and allow ourselves space to acknowledge the bitter taste of truth? Feelings of abandonment or lack of nourishment at a young age often lurk just under the surface. Think back…
What were the circumstances when you were growing up?
How was the relationship between your parents?
Were you a wanted child?
Was your mom in a healthy and happy place?
This was the time when your programming started, dictating the way you eat today. And now is the time to be honest and test your willingness to heal and make a lasting change.
There are many ways to be supported from the external, and I always encourage you to opt for the fridge rather than the pantry to get nourishment into the body because…
Fresh food carries life force.
Pre-prepared, packaged foods from the shelf have no life force. This easy-to-implement change in food choice will be felt inside the body very quickly.
Another effective way is to commit to a 21-day cleanse. This allows the mind to stay engaged and follow structure. You will notice a gradual change within yourself as the system is resetting. Our mind is clearer and the body courses with more vitality.
IMHO, there is no reason good enough for waiting on a specific date to come around to start making changes. I am a firm believer that you can change anytime you want. The important question is…
How willing are you to let go of attachments and beliefs?
How do you want to live your life? There is an expiration date at the end for all of us. What is it we want to experience before we get there?
Anja’s constant companion, Shenna, under the Alaska sun.
Happy Holidays everyone! What are your plans?
I will be spending time with my finance, Armand, and Border Collie, Shenna, out in the woods at our cabin in Alaska.
With subzero temperatures and the landscape around me covered deep in snow… all is quiet. The sky is filled with bright stars, and the wood stove is humming its own carols while our mini-Christmas tree sparkles to light up the room. 😊
~ Anja
Connect with Anja on Facebook or visit her LinkedIn page. Get more details about B.E.S.T. or schedule a consultation or treatment with Anja through her website: Bio-Energetic Reset.
Music
“So this is me swallowing my pride / Standing in front of you saying I’m sorry for that night / And I go back to December all the time / It turns out freedom ain’t nothing but missing you / Wishing I’d realized what I had when you were mine”
“Back to December” by Taylor Swift
Singer/Songwriter, Sagittarius birthday: December 13, 1989
Playlist: Sagittarius
This month’s playlist is combines the sounds of the season with a twist of our Zodiac theme through unforgettable song memories revolving around The Archer: Sagittarius, and some of the artists born under this sign.
Please enjoy Dharma Direction’s playlist for December. Keep in mind that the playlist on YouTube changes each month to focus on the current Zodiac. This month’s songs are listed below ~
“Back to December” - Taylor Swift
“Little Drummer Boy” - For King & Country
“Born to Run” - Bruce Springsteen
“That’s What Christmas Means to Me” - Stevie Wonder
“Candyman” - Christina Aguilera
“Hit Me With Your Best Shot” - Pat Benatar
“Sweet Dreams” - Eurythmics
“You Can’t Always Get What You Want” - The Rolling Stones
“Last Christmas” - Miley Cyrus (Wham! cover)
“In My Mind” - Amanda Palmer
“Shake Up Christmas” - Train
“Alone Again Or” - Gold Lake (Love cover)
“All My Trials” - Bedouine
The Reading Dingy
Share the gift.
See what our contributors are reading now, what they recommend, or what’s on their “must read” list. Our picks may be new releases, forever favorites, hidden gems, or classics we can’t wait to read again. If we love it, we’ll let you know here!
Want to know more about the books we’re suggesting? COMING in JANUARY 2023: Dharma Direction will open the doors to our very own Goodreads shelf where you’ll be able to find out more about “The Reading Dingy” authors, and read our comments and/or reviews about the books on our shelves.
Color Therapy: Sagittarius
FREE Downloadable/Printable — just get your crayons, pencils, pastels, or paints and right-click the image below.
Original drawing by Akili-Amethyst on deviantart.com
Sagittarius People
